Going Crazy

So I think I did a pretty good job of keeping an even keel throughout this pregnancy. As in I haven't been too hormonal and witch like. But here I am a the end feeling like a mental patient. I want to curl up in my house and stay here until I have this baby. I don't want to make anymore small talk about her or how I am feeling...I just want to meet her!!!

Just like with Afton I now worry tremendously about her health and safety in there. And even though we are only 36 weeks along I want her out, even if it means she has to stay a little longer than me. I want to see her, hold her and know that she is alive!

I'm also crazy in that everything I read about my pregnancy related health conditions makes me jumpy. My blood count is lower than it was with Afton at this time and when researching ways to maximize my absorption of iron I came upon the word "stillbirth" in reference to when your blood count is too, too low. A normal minded person would say..."well I know I am not that low" but a crazy pregnant person like me would say to themselves "I need to find a way to go into labor before I have a stillborn." Also a very small handful of babies born to moms with diabetes and gestational diabetes are born with type one, insulin dependent diabetes. I am overly paranoid that if I cheat on my diet that she is going to be one of those babies. I realize it's crazy and that those babies are born to moms that have out of control diabetes but these thoughts fill my mind at most every meal.

You see, I want my sanity back!

Every morning now, one of my first thoughts is "dang it, I'm still pregnant" My daily mission now is to overdue it physically in hopes of inducing labor at night. Nights are when my body has the most practice contractions and I really wish to go into labor one of these nights VERY SOON!

I am exhausting myself daily, but I am also trying to take naps and I am generally in bed for 12 hours each night. I am not necessarily sleeping all of those twelve hours, but resting my muscles.

I finished a Glenn Beck book last night. I was hoping I would go into labor when I finished it but no such luck. I listened to a Glenn Beck conversion story cd the night I had Afton and I was hoping there was a Glenn Beck connection between my two pregnancies? Guess not.