Pep Talk

So yesterday I was really down, as evidenced by my post. I am very, very happy to be pregnant (despite the way I sound) and am ever so excited to be a mom. But as wonderful as pregnancy is, sometimes it just sucks and I feel like I need to whine/vent and get things off my chest. I have never been in this much pain in my life and with 11 weeks until my daughter is due, I don't think this pain will be going away soon. I am not afraid of child birth, in fact I look forward to it; as I know it means the end of my pregnancy, it lasts a day (not 11 weeks) and I get to finally meet and hold my baby for the first time. But this 11 weeks of pain, that I cannot take.

I went to the doctor today, getting there was awful. After class I started my hike across campus and was mauled by a sharp side ache. This was a new pain so I sat down on a bench for a few minutes in hopes it would subside. It did not so I stood up and thought if I could just get to my car, my little piece of privacy that all would be better. Well as I started driving the side ache subsided as it was replaced by my delicious nerve pinches. I went straight from school to the doctor's and ended up going the wrong way which really frustrated me. I had planned to take the freeway, but accidentally turned the wrong way (pregnancy amnesia) and ended up taking surface streets, causing a longer drive. When I got downtown to the doctor's office area there was no parking. I ended up parking at 10th and P and hoofing it to my appointment at 7th and Capitol. When I finally found a parking spot I broke down in tears, as I was totally frustrated by the physical agony I had been in driving there and now I have to walk through this agony all the way to the doctor's.

When I got a chance to talk to the doctor I don't think she understood how much pain I was in. Her recommendations were a maternity belt, professional massages and icy hot. I will buy a belt and icy hot, but the professional massages...I'm not sure the husband will sanction such expenditures. As luck would have it I felt better at the doctor's office but as soon as I found my car and started driving the twinges returned. Even though icy hot may work, I can't apply it myself. I have thought about scheduling it so Mark can apply it for me, but he leaves for work while I sleep. Yes I could get up earlier, shower and have him apply it before work, but then do I go back to bed? After my morning shower, my tummy requires nourishment, if I'm showering and eating breakfast, then it sounds like I am up for the day and lacking sleep!

Families-So my grandmother was very mean today. I help my grandparents out when I can, sometimes it is every week, sometimes every few weeks. But I was over there today and I was late because I had been at the doctor's, I was remarking about how the doctor had not fixed my problem and I was still in pain and how I didn't know what I was going to do. And to that her response was "then don't get pregnant." Her comment made me very angry and it stung. I know my parents don't accept me and my choices but to hear that from her, made me realize that she too does not accept me. I cannot take back my pregnancy, and I wouldn't if I could. If I had a magic eight ball that had for-told that my pregnancy would not be a cake walk...well I would have still gone through with it. Because my urge to be a mother is stronger than the pain, nausea and rude comments of my family! That was not Nana's only offense today. Later on I was reading to my grandpa and the topic of genealogy came up, and when you are talking about genealogy the Mormon church must be mentioned. I thought she knew that I am transitioning into the Mormon faith from the Catholic faith. Well she was not happy and made her disappointment known. It makes me nervous for the future, here in the next few months after the baby is born the Catholics baptize infants (the way we EVERYBODY in our family does it) but we have chosen to bring our children up in Mormon faith, and our baby will be blessed as a baby, not baptized. What kind of a stink is my family going to raise? It will be our wedding all over again, maybe worse! My grandfather told me a while back that he didn't care what church I went to, as long as I believed in something, but it would appear Nana does not feel the same. After everything that I have done for my grand parents, I may do some things they don't like, but I am here for them, when they need help I come through for them. I have been giving up my time and money for them week after week since I was 16 years old. The days I spend with them would be spent at the hospital padding my savings account if not with them. I have put their happiness above mine many, many times. I have abandoned my husband emotionally and physically. And when the baby arrives I should properly knock off and devote my time to her, but I have a sneaking suspicion that she and I will be there with them. Why? Because that is what you do for family!

Baby Shower-In happier news, my first baby shower is Saturday and I am ecstatic. The shower will be at work and they have a tendency to spoil me. I got my first gift from an employee the other night and upon arriving home immediately put each item where it belonged. Johnson's shampoo and body wash with "Baby's" other bath tub supplies. travel size baby powder with the diaper bag supplies, Baby lotion, desitin creamy and ear swabs with the changing table supplies. I am excited to sort through and do the same Saturday night after the shower!

11 more weeks

She continues to size on the Ultrasound with her December 10 due date. I don't like this, because it extends my pregnancy. My LMP was February 23 which makes her due date November 30, 2009. I have been hoping all along that I could convince her to come out just prior to Thanksgiving but she continues to size with her December 10, 2009 due date.


Last Friday Mark and I went for a 3D Ultrasound, it was a major disappointment. I had been so excited for months to have an opportunity to see the babies face. But as luck would have it the baby refused to show us her face. Her face is lodged in my placenta, and all of her body is up against the wall in my left hip. The only thing that came out of the appointment was that she is still a girl and she has the "Shaltes butt chin". I guess I am glad to know how she is situated too,

She is certainly getting bigger as more appendages stick out of my stomach now.


Getting frustrated, I still have a long ways to go in this pregnancy and unfortunately my body has stopped cooperating. I am no longer comfortable being pregnant. I am outgrowing my maternity clothes, my back always hurts, the nerve entrapment is killing me, I'm not cute anymore-I'm FAT! When I sleep I like to switch from right side to left side throughout the night, but now I am stuck on my right side because some body's head is in my left hip. I am constantly afraid that something will go wrong with the baby-she'll get strangled by her umbilical cord, she's not getting enough oxygen as I feel I am not getting enough oxygen, etc. My pelvis hurts, the sciatica never stops, I am starting to not like food again- which is not conducive to feeding a growing baby!

If this was going on with 3-4 weeks left in the pregnancy I could handle it, because the finish line would be in site. But with 11 weeks to go I only fear that everything I am feeling will only get worse. How much longer can I survive work? School is impeding with me getting enough sleep to take care of a non-pregnant body, let alone a pregnant one. There are more things that need to get done than I can physically or emotionally handle. I don't feel like cooking anymore...again but I have to eat, my energy level is decreasing. Is my uterus growing enough? I am in desperate need of a powerful pep talk from my doctor to get me through.

Quick, Quick Update

I am going to try to make this as short and sweet as possible because I should really be sleeping.

*The belly is behaving...for now. Now that I am in my third trimester I have been fielding a lot of questions about how I am feeling. Well at this moment in time I feel GREAT! And I am going to enjoy GREAT because I know it will not last. The last 3-4 days or so I have been pain free for the most part. Sciatica has been minimal, Nerve entrapment has been very minimal, back pain-minimal, emotional-ness - minimal.

I am really surprised that I have been feeling so good considering how much I have been working of late, I am back in school and Mark has kept me busy chasing down potential properties for us to purchase. So once again, I am going to enjoy this while it lasts.

*ANXIOUS- If there was any word to describe how I have been feeling of late it is anxious. I have had an UNCONTROLLABLE urge to get ready for the baby the last week and a half or so. Well on Wednesday I went to the doctor and my measurements are not where they should be considering my due date and the fact that I gained eight pounds in the month of August. This is not the first time that this has happened, they pushed back my due date for this reason during the first trimester, but can't push it back again because the placenta has a best if used by date. I was not really surprised when my measurements were off because I hear most every day how small I am for x number of weeks, and I honestly have noticed it too, I am not growing! The size of my belly has not changed since prior to my cruise at the beginning of August. What does this mean? Well I go back to the doctor in a few weeks and if the measurements have not improved then they want to run tests. My theory is that the baby is growing (because she continues to get stronger and more coordinated) but that my uterus has halted growth. It also means that if she is not thriving inside me that she is one step closer to coming out early. I would celebrate this potential early end to my pregnancy except that I know the best place for the baby to be is in the womb until week 39, otherwise she will be in the NICU until at least her due date. So going back to the anxiety, I am anxious to know if my measurements will change and if not what the next weeks and months hold for us. Another thing of concern that came out of my last appointment was my "Nerve Entrapment" It started before the cruise as a tingling under my right breast in my rib cage and now has become a earth shattering pinching of nerves that causes me to shriek in pain and lose all sensation down the right side of my body into my toes when it hits. They told me in August that it will resolve itself, well it got worse. I asked about it again at this doctor's visit and they said "well, it goes away or we deliver you"

*Baby prep-I don't know if my uncontrollable urge to nest is due to regular hormones at this point in the pregnancy or if it caused by "red flags" as my doctor called them. In better words... Is my prepping for baby in high gear because my body knows that baby is coming earlier than expected?

-I am looking forward to next weekend because I have no work and I have planned some major baby preparation projects. Today I cut all the tags off of my 0-6 months baby clothes so that I can wash them this weekend. I have cleared out one of my drawers in my dresser for now for her clothes (I say "her clothes" because we still cannot agree on a name). Additionally we are planning to bring the baby's crib home to our apartment next weekend and put it in place for her arrival. My parents have offered to purchase a mattress, and that too will be done next weekend. I have some used crib sheets, bumpers etc. that I plan to wash and have ready for the crib. Her car seat is due to come any day now from the UPS man and I am anxious to install it and then make an appointment at work to have a car seat installer double check that everything is done correctly. Mark says that if the baby comes early and things are not ready that he will do it all while the baby and I are camped out in the NICU. Despite the offer I want to do all that I can while I can, and if she does not come early then...well at least we were ready!

*The un-foreseen-My husband hates paying rent, so much so that as of a couple of months ago he wanted to for go paying rent and move in with his folks. So that instead of throwing money away each month on rent we can save it and stash it away for a hefty down payment on a house after law school.

Based on these conversations I was slowly preparing myself to live with my in-laws starting this winter and for the duration of law school. Well unknown to me my husband has been looking at real-estate. He was saying 3 years but dreaming about now. Well about a week and a half ago, that I know of he found a property that struck his fancy. He shared this information with me, and within a day or so it struck my fancy too. We walked through the back yard (because we knew it to be vacant) and then we called to request a showing. Well we loved the inside even more than the exterior and the price. I contacted a real estate agent so we could start the ball rolling on placing a bid. Well it was not to be because the house is "short sale contingent" and they are not accepting bids.

I wasn't sure where to go from there. Were we done with house shopping or would we continue looking. I gave myself a little time to see where my heart led me and sure enough it led us into seeing two more properties on Friday. I loved them both for different reasons. The next step was do we get pre-approved for a loan? We'll find out tomorrow as we have completed and submitted the paperwork. Do we bid on a property? And if so which one? I have not been down this home buying road before and it scares me to death. I am excited and nervous at the same time! Fortunately we have a lot of support from our families and a very sweet, laid back, not at all pushy real estate agent.

This fall is due to be an exciting one for sure, lots of brand new challenges and exciting adventures are surely in store!